Thursday, February 14, 2008



Most kids today think China is just another U.S. territory where flat screen tv's and Nike shoes are made and horrible actresses like the one from Grey's Anatomy are born. This photo is from the 12 day China/Hong Kong War of 1967. No winner was declared in the war though Bruce Lee and the cologne Hai Karate were thought to have benefited greatly from the publicity the war generated.

A troupe of Chinese acrobats brought over to the United States for what they thought would be a 6th month whirlwind tour of performances on college campuses across the United States but who instead found themselves dumped at a homeless shelter in Texas by an unscrupulous Wisconsin promoter have found new life, as a punk rock band, on this summers Vans Warped Tour.

Legendary Concert Promoter and Vans Warped Tour founder Kevin Lyman was so outraged and touched at the same time by a story he saw on CNN about the stranded troupe, he reached out to them and immediately bought out their contract. Mr. Lyman when reached for comment said, “That guy in Wisconsin really paints concert promoters and managers in a bad light.” But he also said, “Chinese performers, what’s that cost, pennies a day? I wish I would have thought of this sooner. Really that guy is a genius.” Details of the contract were not disclosed but it is rumored the Chinese troupe cost Mr. Lyman about "as much as a vintage early 70’s Lighting Bolt single fin surfboard goes for on eBay", right now.

Other details of the contract are not known but Mr. Lyman was also quoted as saying, “ The minimum wage in China is a staggering one dollar an hour, which is almost twice as much as we like to pay our talent or employees on the Warped Tour. But luckily we can justify this contract because these guys will be able to finish out the tour at the new Vans factory in Beijing.”

When asked if he was worried the Chinese troupe would be called out as poseurs or fakes by the young fans for completely lacking any punk roots or musical talent Mr. Lyman said, “No, we had Paramore on the tour last year and no one called them out. These guys fill that vacant hole perfectly." Mr. Lyman was also quoted as saying, “the Chinese troupe’s complete lack of musical talent almost guarantees them a Grammy nomination.” Also when pressed about the fact that the Chinese don't speak any coherent English Mr. Lyman responded "that neither do today's teenagers."

This summer the troupe is scheduled to appear on the Ernie Ball stage and will also open up for The Used.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Johnny dome... you are weird and funny