Saturday, February 23, 2008

LOST FANS FILE CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT FOR LOSS OF LAST 3 YEARS OF THEIR LIFE AND EMOTIONAL STRESS

THE SHOW CONTAINS NO PLOT OR STORY DEVELOPMENT J.J. ABRAMS IS A CHARLATAN CLAIMS PLAINTIFF’S ATTORNEY

CITES CLOVERFIELD & THE DON RICKLES PILOT AS EVIDENCE

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Lost fans are going to court to try and get back some of their life. Lawyers for both sides are optimistic that a settlement may be reached before trial.

President of the Venice chapter of the Lost Fan Club and skateboarding legend Mr. Tony Alva filed a lawsuit in Santa Monica Civil Court today against the producers of Lost. Alleging that Lost show creator, Mr. J. J. Abrams has been duping people into watching a television series for the last several years that contains no actual story line or plot development.

“I felt hollow inside when I finally realized that this show is going nowhere. It’s clear this season the producers and writers have no idea what they are doing and I just wasted the last 3 plus years of my life.” Said Mr. Alva.

“I mean c’mon they don’t even try anymore .If they have a plot hole to fill they just make something up and film a “flash forward” sequence of the character 5 years before they got on that stupid plane, they can just make up whatever they want. What the hell kind of story telling is that!”

Mr. Alva said he was forced into action this winter after viewing the film Cloverfield, a film produced by Lost show creator J.J. Abrams. “Wow what a piece of shit that movie was, it really proved that Abrams isn’t even trying. Cloverfield is the name of the street his office is on. I mean if they are that lazy with naming the title of a huge multi-million dollar feature film how much effort are they putting into Lost? Did you see Cloverfield? That was the worst movie I’ve seen since the live action version of Dogtown and Z Boys!”

Mr. Alva expects the jury to side with him he says, “I expect the jury can relate because most of us have been conned before. I mean how many of us were suckered in by one of those Steven King mini-series or V. Remember how bad V was? If we would have sued then, we wouldn’t be in this mess today. This is a long time coming. Ralph Nader should have been more concerned with the television studios production values instead of worrying about some flaming gas tank. Bad television hurts a lot more people than some defective car."

Mr. Alva’s attorney, Mr. Neil Blender says that they have a long list of surprise witnesses, each one more suprising than the next, including several of the actors from the show. Many he claims will admit on the stand that they are not, and never were, actors. Mr. Blender said that over half of the cast qualifies but that they only plan on using a few select witnesses. He did acknowledge one witness they are bringing to the stand.

“We’re probably going to bring in that drunk lesbian Latino girl that got kicked off the show. She’s perfect to prove the producers never cared about the show in the first place. I mean have you seen her? I’ll go down to the Home Depot on Sunset Boulevard now and grab a day laborer and I guarantee he’ll be a better actor than her. She told us this herself! So I’m not hurting any feelings or saying anything anyone doesn’t already know.”

When Mr. Alva and his lawyer were reminded that television is free and that he could just turn off his television and not watch the show, Mr. Alva responded, “Bullshit. This is America, they owe us!”

2 comments:

Claudia Jurt said...

this is some funny stuff!

Johnny Doom said...

thanks.i hope this post doesnt hurt my chances of getting invited to j.j.'s b-day party this year, they put a hold on my scientology memership.