Tuesday, March 18, 2008

New Old Slightly Stoopid Graphics Coachella Skate 2008

"Slightly not stoned" is getting re-released, the first runs sold out. The UB40 cover "i would do for you" is key. It's grammy quality but to get a grammy nomination you have to hire a full time publicist and be spoofed on The Simpsons. A variation of this graphic will probably be used for a limited run skate deck, hopefully for coachella. An extra thick 12 ply maple laminate deck will be designed for kyle since he's put on a bit of weight, some say he looks like a young Brian Wilson, not me though I would never make fun of Kyle.

Monday, March 17, 2008




Sun Damaged. Hustler Publisher Larry Flynt has reportedly offered Heather Mills 2 million dollars to keep her clothes on. Heather Mills doctors claim the sun has also damaged her brain.

Heather Mills received 50 million dollars today or as Sir Paul McCartney calls it “about a weeks wages” for failing at marriage with ex-Beatles great Paul McCartney. Sir Paul was quoted as saying, “I’ve learned my lesson mate. I’ll never order another Russian Mail order bride off a website again.” John Lennon reportedly uttered “Mai Pang” and rolled over in his grave when he heard the news.

Miss Mills team of attorney’s said she plans to invest the money wisely. Her lead attorney, Mr. E. Howard Hunt said, “Obviously not on Wall Street because that would be like just throwing money down a toilet and she had to work really, really hard to earn this money.”

Ironically, Miss Mills is reportedly going to use the 50 million to purchase Michael Jackson’s Beatles catalog so Michael Jackson can pay off his Neverland Ranch. Mr. McCartney’s daughter Stella said, “That sounds like something that greedy, peg-legged bitch would do.”

Saturday, March 15, 2008

World Industries 1991 Randy Colvin, Colvinetics, Everslick Deck

World Industries 1991 Randy Colvin Colvinetics, Scienctolgy Spoof Everslick Deck

Used everslick’s usually have a faded look.

Randy Colvin’s second World Industries deck, Marc McKee was the artist. This one is a rare, everslick version none others are known to exist right now but there are probably a couple more stashed away in closets of former World Industries employees. The everslick version has lighter graphics. Reportedly World Industries was hit with a cease and desist to stop the production of this board ala the Jason Lee Burger King board.

In the late 80’s and 90’s Scientoligist ran commercials in Southern California with this Volcano spewing ash telling that your world would be much calmer if you just buy this book. Many of the spots were only 15 seconds long with just the volcano spewing. This board is a nice tribute to that commercial and proof that all you need is a good graphic designer to start your own religioin. World Industries may have anticipated that the Scientologists would sick a lawyer on them. Certinainly being based in Los Angeles Steve Rocco and friends, knew the power of the Scientolgist’s and assumed their would be legal interference and did a low production run to begin with. Whatever the story, the only documented auction, it went just under $1,000.00. This was nice piece of art to pick up it came an Amy Hempel book and a Jamie Lynn textured top Lib Tech, his second season.

Friday, March 14, 2008




He’s back. President Bush said today he was bringing back everything that was popular in the 1980’s that started with the word R. Except for the band The Romantics because “they suck.

President George Bush made a surprise announcement today, saying he was bringing back the R word, Reagan-nomics. President Bush claimed that the popular economics program of the 1980’s would be coming back full force. “Why not?”, he said, “It might actually work this time“ President Bush claimed the Reagan-nomics economic package is recession proof and would get the country out of “whatever it is we’re in right now.”

President Bush added the program would go into affect immediately and they would start program by cutting off Federal Aid and support for the mentally ill. President Bush said the government would be releasing 20,000 mental patients in California alone this week. Mr. Bush quipped that he doubted “anyone in California would notice an extra 20,000 mentally ill people on the street.” In a rare show of support many journalists in the press corp. nodded their heads when Mr. Bush said Californians wouldn’t notice more mentally ill people on the street because they are so self absorbed.

Later in the day a spokesperson for the White House said that the mentally ill would be dropped off in Hollywood and Orange County. Where it would be an easy transition since the mentally ill have already established strong roots in both communities.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Gary Shandling KILLS at the trial of P.I. Anthony Pellicano


Comedian Gary Shandling in simpler times. Moe Sizlak, the surly bartender from The Simpsons is reportedly modeled after Mr. Shandling.

Comedian Gary Shandling reportedly killed with a solid twenty minute set of new material at the trial of former P.I. Anthony Pelicano. The jury was reportedly in stitches, one of the bailiff’s even had to leave the room to change his pants.

Deputy District Attonery John Cruicshank said, “I almost peed my pants when he told the joke about God running wire taps for George Bush. Oh my god, the guy is a genius. Why is he still not on television?”

A.P. reporter Jeff Richards was in the audience and offered this assesement.
“The judge had to stop for recess 3 times he was laughing so hard. Who knew witness intimidation, illegal wiretaps and jury tampering could be so god damn funny!”
The judge said after it was the best set he’s ever seen in an courtroom. He should know. Hell,he’s seen all the veterans.”

Judge Steven Carnan was a legal aide to Mr. Alan Dershowitz, when Mr. Dershowitz performed his legendary ten minute set in front of the Supreme Court in 1975. He was also the presiding judge in 2 of Richard Pryor cocaine & drug abuse cases in the 80’s.

The defendant Mr. Anthony Pelicano, is also acting as his own attorney. When it was his turn to cross-examine Mr. Shandling. A strange twist of events occurred. Instead of cross-examining Mr. Shandling he showed a tape of a past Paula Poundstone performance, it was a benefit comedy show that Mr. Shandling also attended. Most peo in the courtroom thought the Paula Poundstone defense backfired on the novice attorney.

"This bothers me as much as the first time I saw this," the 58-year-old Gary Shandling said about the performance. "It's a creepy feeling."

In fact some of the jury members became so nauseous from the Paula Poundstone video they had to excuse themselves, disrupting the trial. Judge Carnan was forced to order a recess. Cross-examination will resume on Monday giving everyone sufficient time to recover.

Village Pizzeria Hollywood

Village Pizzeria. Hollywood. Good pizza sometimes, good price always.

6363 Yucca Street (yep the same street with that killer 2 minute long tracking shot when George Kennedy is playing a cop in “Earthquake” and a brief shot of Yucca in “The Italian Job” also.)

323- 790-0763 free delivery, but they’re not open past 9:30, so the free delivery is almost useless.

On Yucca right off of Cahuenga, around the corner from the 7-11 in a formerly very sketchy spot that they have cleaned up and revitalized.

Some of you might be familiar with these guys. They have been in Larchmont Village for several years. Also Berkeley.

This pizza is generally good but the problem is they are inconsistent. You get a different, cook you get a slightly different pie. Also if you go in there near closing at 9:30, (seriously 9:30?) the employees want to get out of there and the toppings get tossed on their haphazardly and it wasn’t cooked through. Damn still want to give these guys a chance, though.

Here’s a few tips that might make you a little bit more popular and oh yeah, make you money, cause isn’t that why your open? If Nike will listen to me, use my ideas and not pay me, than you guys might want to also.

Asparagus Pizza- They suck and have a reputation for sucking, but they didn’t always.
They were good at first but quickly became inconsistent, high turnover and hiring actors and actresses to work there instead of people who want to be there. You guys are following their path, inconsistent and closing to early. Go walk over there right now and see how busy that place is. Guess what it’s not.

Damianos delivers to this neighborhood and its not expensive and just as good. They deliver til midnight whereas Village Pizzeria closes at 9:30. That’s just retarded. No offense to the mentally challenged or anyone who went to Ohio State.

9 fi’ng 30 in the middle of Hollywood in an area where there isn’t that many late night spots to eat at?

You’re almost useless to this neighborhood if you can’t stay open past 9:30.

Worried about the 18th street gangy bangies? Either pay them off or start kicking pies down to the LAPD, trust me they’ll make make a point of swinging by often. They are sick at eating at Birds.

Early evening people looking for an alternative to the 101 coffee shop, actually they are looking for an alternative to the 101 at any time of the day. Nobody ever said the food was good at the 101, (especially the owners) just that its the only place open in the area late night.

Put a folding wood sign on the corner of Cahuenga and Yucca.

Have the city zone 2 or 3 of your parking spots yellow, so people can pull in and get out fast, this especially will help with business late at night.

Hire employees who want to be there, plenty of dudes and dudettes burned out on production work and want a job that wont be in there head when they get home. An 8 or 10 hour shift at a pizza place is a piece of cake compared to a marathon editing session or having to re-shoot a take 27 times at 3 in the morning.

Send some free pies to the guys at Tiny’s K.O., Beauty Bar, Burgundy Room let people know you’re there. Unless of course your not going to stay open past 9:30. Seriously 9:30?

Wednesday, March 12, 2008


Popeyes Hollywood As Real As Real Hollywood Gets

Popeyes Chicken, Hollywood and Cahuenga, a favorite spot of pimps, murderers, ho’s, actors and writers. A must see stop for any tourist who really wants to see Hollywood. Plus Little Richard has been known to do the occasional pop in.

Being a writer in Hollywood with morals and a vision means sometimes you have to humble yourself and suffer for your work. It means you make sacrifices. You don’t waste your energy or talents writing crap for game shows or the C.W. When someone calls you with a tempting ghost writing gig that would solve all your financial problems you have to say no. It takes years to recover from polishing up someone else’s crap so you try to stay away from what normal people would refer to as work. You save yourself for that one script or novel, that one great piece of work, that will push you to the front of the line and gets you the power of people returning your calls and e-mails and giving you free swag at all the awards shows. Or at least when you finally bail out of Hollywood for the mountains you can live with yourself.

Meanwhile, while you wait your turn you try not to humiliate yourself to much. For instance interviewing for the writers assistant job on “Will and Grace” and not getting the job. That’s humiliating. Beyond humiliating. Of course I probably shouldn’t have stopped by Woody Harrelson’s trailer right before I went in to meet the producers. My bad.

Of course the majority of suffering is monetary. Money? You have none. Well really you have an adequate amount of money, but only if you lived in a city like Portland, Seattle or Chicago. But in Los Angeles or New York, forget about it. It’s $4,000 a month just to survive and that’s only if you were lucky enough to find your house or apartment more than 5 years ago, before prices skyrocketed.

Which brings me to another humbling ritual for many writers, actors and artists in my neighborhood. Popeyes Chicken on Cahuenga and Hollywood Boulevard. The Tuesday’s 99 cent 2 piece chicken special. 2 battered greasy pieces of dark meat chicken bathed in fat and oil that makes no promise that it doesn’t contain trans-fats. While my friends are dining down the street on $40 sushi rolls at Katsuya with Justin Timberlake, I’m down the street standing in the 99 cent chicken line with Just Homeless and his crew. Hell yeah its’s humiliating. It’s also funny. In a sad way. And if it doesn’t motivate you to work harder, than nothing ever will.

I urge all tourists who want to know what it feels like to live and suffer in Hollywood to go there on a Tuesday. And get in that line. The sights, the smells, the human tragedy, the desperation inside that place, it’s not only the underbelly of Hollywood, it is Hollywood.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008




The great Charlie Murphy has been picked to lead ex-Governor Spitzer’s legal dream team. Mr. Murphy is said to have taken the job because he wants Hollywood to take him more seriously as an actor. Mr. Murphy recently lost out on the lead role in No Country for Old Men to Javier Bardem.

Soon to be former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, also known as customer #9 by the Federal Government, has taken the classic Hollywood defense used for years by actors, musicians, stand-up comedians and other entertainers. “The Hollywood defense or as some people call it, the out-of-state, out-of-mind defense, is pretty simple and it applies to my client. If you are out of your state or out of the country, and you bang someone else it doesn’t count as cheating.” said Mr. Spitzer’s attorney, Mr. Lloyd Braun today.

He continued, “It was Errol Flynn who coined the phrase Hollywood defense, but he learned it from the old vaudeville guys. It goes way back. Henny Youngman and Jackie Gleason both wrote about it in their autobiographies. In fact Frank Sinatra and his lawyers used the defense several times through decades of divorce and paternity hearings.”

Mr. Braun also added that they are assembling a “dream team” of lawyer’s for Mr. Spitzer’s defense, both criminal and divorce. He has hired Pete Townshend’s lawyer who got him off of pedophilia charges and also O.J. Simpson’s original defense team. Since Johnny Cochran has passed away they have hired Eddie Murphy’s brother, Charlie Murphy to lead the legal dream team in the courtroom.

When told that Charlie Murphy has no legal skills and seems an odd choice Mr. Braun replied, “He’s an actor, I know but that’s okay because the law doesn’t apply to New York courtrooms.”