Friday, March 7, 2008

FLORIDA AND MICHIGAN PRIMARY NUMBER TWO REDO

REPUBLICAN PARTY TO SPRING FOR FLORIDA & MICHIGAN PRIMARIES PROMISES TO CONTROL FLORIDA RESULTS

WHAT THE HELL IT’LL BE FUN! BESIDES WE DON’T HAVE A SNOWBALLS CHANCE IN HELL IN NOVEMBER ANYWAY, SAYS RNC CHAIRMAN

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A recent Gallup poll in USA Today found that most Americans consider Florida a 3rd World country, ranking it behind Mexico and Puerto Rico in popularity. The poll also found that Americans are willing to give Florida back to Cuba as long as they also take Jeb Bush, Rush Limbaugh and buy out Shaqille O’Neal’s contract with the Miami Heat.


The furor over the uncounted Florida and Michigan Democratic primaries has been solved. The Republican National Party has stepped up to the plate and said they will pay to redo both primaries in Michigan and Florida. “We already have our people in place so we can control the votes and who wins in Florida. It’ll be fun just like it was in 2000.” RNC chairman Billy Bush said today.

He added, “Besides it’s not like we will actually win the general election in November. We’ve got a huge surplus of cash. Ever since Rush Limbaugh gave up his Vicodin addiction our coffers in Florida have risen substantially.”

Mr. Bush also added, “Thanks to my idiot cousins total lack of bargaining chips with OPEC, I expect that gas prices will be at $5.00 a gallon by November. At $5.00 a gallon most American’s won’t be able to afford to drive to the voting booths, so we might as well knock out as many elections as we can right now, while the economy is still so vibrant and robust.”

When asked who the RNC plans on stating as winner in the Florida Democratic Primary Mr. Bush responded, “Oh definitely Obama, I expect Hillary will probably win the popular vote count by about 1,000 votes or so but we will declare Barack Obama the victor.”

Asked why, the RNC would do such a thing Mr. Bush responded, “Because we can, besides it will really mess with the Clinton's heads.”

3 comments:

WildWestMax said...

Wow this is one of the most ignorant and bitter sounding rants I've heard in a long time. Go over to Iowahawk. That's good parody. Try not to be too directly insulting. You're aiming for the Onion, but your sounding like a Huffington Post commenter, and I don't even know if those on the left would find it funny.

Johnny Doom said...

ignorant? bitter? aiming for the onion? now that is insulting. good parody? wow i thought i already covered that on a bit of a higher level but your right i probably am a bit rusty. perhaps when you get your pharm tech certif. you can send some xanax over to stop the bitter, rants; also a good lawyer for wga arbitration would really help.

Anonymous said...

LOL. Great post.