ADMITS FAIR TRADE IS JUST A MADE UP TERM FOR GOOD PUBLIC RELATIONS
Starbucks Coffee is anxious to rebuild its faltering image. Starbucks has hired sane person and pop goddess Britney Spears as a spokesperson.
Starbucks announced today effective immediately it will shut down all U.S. stores to re-train their employees. Employees will now be required to speak English, be forced to be able to pronounce and spell Frappachino and count back change properly.
A recent report in Consumer Reports stated that the average Starbucks customer waits an average of 22 minutes a day per drink. The average consumer will spend almost 2 years in Starbucks over 20 years of patronage. Ironically most Starbucks employee will only spend about 20 months working during a 20 year period of employment.
A spokesperson for the National Emulsified Overpriced Coffee & Beverage Makers of America, Mr. Bryan Erwin chuckled and said it is a needed move for Starbucks. “It’s been an inside joke in the food industry for years that; Starbucks Sucks. Ha-ha, do you get it?"
When Mr. Erwin was told that “Starbucks sucks” really does not qualify as a joke and real comedians don't ask people if "they get it" he replied, “What do you expect I’m an executive in the food service industry. Does this look like the fucking stage at The Comedy Store to you?”
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